Chronic solitude

"It was a fine cry....loud and long....but it had no bottom and it had no top...

just circles and circles of sorrow..."

- Toni Morrison

I can relate a little to this beautiful quote. Being diagnosed with an incurable disease and knowing that you will suffer with it for the rest of your life makes the heart burst into inconsolable cry. Getting the same message and being forced to relive the same thing several times causes a constant flood of eternal tears....



At this point my post may seem to become sad, heart-breaking and filled with self-pity, and it is true to a certain extent, but it is also a tribute to all those who, despite suffering, still see those small glimmers of light in the long, dark tunnel and with his willpower and a positive mindset makes the best of a difficult situation.

Living with a chronic illness has its sides. It concerns both the physical and psychological obstacles which are often associated with, and affect each other negatively.

I can, of course, only speak for myself, I have no idea how others in a similar situation feel. But I know from experience that it is not only your illness that you have to fight against, there are many external factors that come into play. You can e.g. be denied assistance, and if you cannot work, in many cases you have to fight against the insurance fund. Life becomes a merry-go-round of certificates, negative decisions and appeals. I'm, myself, still quite privileged. I can still work full-time, albeit 50% remotely from home, so half of the time I'm basically isolated at home.

Of my six diagnoses, all but one are linked to pain, aches and make it difficult to move.

Being struck with several chronic diagnoses that affect mobility is obviously sad. Imagine yourself not being able to get out and participate in social life to the extent you wish, being mostly isolated at home, and when you do get somewhere it means a lot of effort before you even get away and a lot of energy loss during the activity itself. Afterwards, there will also be aches, pains and fatigue due to the overexertion. Personal interests and leisure activities you enjoy may also be put on the back burner if they include excessively difficult physical elements. Therefore, one avoids unnecessary escapades and thus contributes to one's isolation to a great extent.

But it's not just the physical part of the chronic life that is hard, it's just as much about the mental part, which those around you easily forget. Besides always being dead tired, either due to pain, medication or lack of sleep, often all of them, you get easily irritated and frustrated by an uncomprehending environment. It becomes yet another reason to isolate oneself, to avoid meeting people and having to explain and defend oneself. You'r also sad and feel bad for your loved ones when you cannot socialize or in some cases have to ask for help.

You become very lonely in your isolation even if you have an understanding partner....

But then we have that wonderful invention, the Internet. A good thing for us who live mostly in solitude. There we can communicate and debate with people or just take part in other people's thoughts and discussions. We can read news and take part in events in the world and thus be completely up-to-date with the life that passes outside. There are many different social media platforms, but you should have an idea of what you are looking for. Are you looking for e.g. a partner? Do you want to discuss and debate or just listen to your fellow human beings? What age group is represented on the platform and is the type of content interesting?

Personally, I'm too old, too withdrawn and definitely not looking for a partner so I stick to discussion and opinion media with mixed content and that has a wide range of ages. I want to keep up with what is being talked about in all age groups. Right now I'm on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and Mastodon.

Feel free to follow me there...