What was I thinking...?

Hmm..let's see… how did I think now? Oh that's right, I was going to write a bit about the slightly embarrassing and scary thing about losing words and get sudden memory gaps.

Sure, it's sometimes very embarrassing, but actually still more scary as you don't really know what it is due to. There can be several different causes or be a combination of those. Fatigue syndrome ie. brain fog, medication or, a horrible thought, incipient senility.

I lean towards the first two, not because I'm ashamed to grow older, but my symptoms don't match that last diagnosis. On the other hand, I am heavily medicated and have difficulty sleeping due to pain and aches, so brain fog has been an unpleasant compagnion for a long time.

But the thing is, it have gotten worse, especially the loss of words and sometimes the whole darned thread. My brain becomes completely empty, blown out like a broken balloon and it happens in about 0, 023 seconds flat.

Things, events, places, personal names, etc. that I have carried with me almost all my life are suddenly gone from my brain. Parts of what I said and did the day before can be totally gone just when I need to remember them. Everything is of course still there and will come back eventually, but it is insanely frustrating that it is like just "Poof" gone when you have to remember or pronounce it.

It's especially difficult in connection with work. Several of my tasks involve training, instructing, attending meetings and maintaining a support function by telephone, ie use the speaking ability to a great extent. At first it was extremely embarassing when in the middle of a sentence I became speechless and desperately tried to find the right word, basically anything with a similar meaning, but now both my colleagues and most of my support recipients are aware of my problems and have indulgence when I become totally empty in the head… lol…

Yes, I can joke about it but it is a big and difficult problem for me who has always seen myself as quite sharp and eloquent. Even when I, like here, write my posts, I sometimes have to stop and take a break when words suddenly disappear into nothingness.

Hopefully I make myself understood most of the time here even if I don't find the exact words. I imagine it must be problematic enough to read my half-assed English...lol.. If something is unclear, you just have to leave a comment for me so I can try to explain a little better......Well, hopefully😏

XOXO