Analyze that

I haven't been active here lately and that has a couple of reasons. My health of course, and also stress over maybe losing my job due to a significant reorganization within the National archives of Sweden. But just as I finally got positive information from my employer regarding my job, then my mother passed away, and all the stress has adversely affected my health. So it has been a troublesome time and I haven't felt like blogging at all, but my mind hasn't stopped reflecting on things so I decided to try to write a post anyways. 

It's funny how you get trapped inside your own head when you’re in quarantine and devoting yourself to social distancing. Maybe it's just me, but I tend to analyze things more, and I'm telling you, it's hard work...lol..

I don’t know if it has to do with boredom, but I often find myself getting irritated about unimportant stuff, as a pointless and unnecessarily long and boring commercial on Tv, certain Tv hosts who constantly interrupt the interview objects, the annoying and high-pitched voice of someone on the radio, a reader of an audio book that gets me unconcentrated on the content because he or she sounds so uninterested and blasé, as if he/she was just lined up words without meaning and so on. Completely unimportant stuff and an unnecessary waste of energy right? 

I also tend to study people's behaviors and quirks more in-depth. It's really fun but can become a bit awkward when you all of a sudden start to giggle uncontrollable in proximity of that person just because you just realized his earlobes are waving as he talks….

When it comes to analyzing myself, it is more about in-depth analysis of superficial emotions and behaviors. Why do I react in certain ways to certain things or problems or why get certain thoughts stuck in my head longer than others?

I have never been someone who cares about appearance, well,sometimes I do but only when someone looks strikingly strange, but now I notice that I all of a sudden can be critical of superficial things, like someone's make-up or how they dress. It must be yet another expression of boredom, I suppose.

But the thing that’s on my mind right now, and really bothers me, is my feelings about my mothers recent death, or rather the lack of them. I don’t understand my cold reaction, maybe it’s some kind of defense mechanism that has been switched on and all the grief will hit me at a later time, but right now I just feel empty. The hardest and most awkward thing is when people condolence and you're supposed to look sad and heartbroken. I hate to put on an act and I suck at it too, so I just try to look as neutral as possible.

Okay, I managed to accomplish a post at last, a post about meaningless bothers, and it's likely that this post falls under the same category but anyways, I made it...

Take care and keep following the restrictions about corona-virus transmission!

XOXO