Uncertain future

I have in some previous posts been dwelling on the question if I should keep on working fulltime as I have done for the past 18 years. Well, it seems like I don’t have to ponder over that anymore since my department is going to be closed due to reorganisation by the authority and most of the staff will now face a future of unemployment. This news came without warning, so it was somewhat of a shock. 

I have during my years been a leading part of building up a function that has provided a unique database online that also been a part of a large international research projects. Since I was basically involved from the start, I see it as my "baby" and my concern is greater for what the plans with the business itself is than for what will happen to me personally. My work has been a very large part of my life, mostly because of the restrictions both in my social life and when it comes to my leisure time due to my health issues, so one might think that this is devastating news to me.

Yes, of course it’s sad, but I really surprise myself with my immediate feelings…. A feeling of relief, a feeling of freedom, a feeling of excitement…

I mean, I’m in the last half of my life and wouldn't it be nice to do something completely new? Something completely different but still in line with my interests. The only thing I'm a bit worried about is what the financial situation will be like.

Of course, when everything has sunk in, other feelings also occur, it obviously feels both melancholy and unfair and I am angry and disappointed at how this has been handled by both the top management and the responsible ministry.

The harsh truth is that I'm not very attractive on the labour market, which by the way is very sparse in my local surroundings. I'm middle-aged with a gang of chronic conditions that very much limits the type of labour I can provide. So what will I do if I can’t get a job?

Well, it's then it will be time for the fun and inventive thoughts and plans. And I have lots of those….and maybe the time will come when I will share them with you.

So even if I will be forced to end my carrier, and a job I have loved, I'm not that sad and worried as I expected and that's a really, really weird feeling....

XOXO

This post is also published on my swedish blog