On the edge of the dark pit....
Sometimes I wonder if there are certain people who, like a magnet, are more likely to attract illnesses, because if there is, I’m certainly one of them. I’m grateful for and proud of my inner strength and my positivity that only allowed me to fall in that dark pit of depression one time so far.
Because sooner or later you reach that point when those fake smiles and that cheerful personality all collapses like a broken balloon. When you don’t have the strength to keep that stoic posture anymore, neither in front of others nor yourself. When reality becomes too real and the pain becomes far too painful.
I hate those times. I've struggled long and hard to form a positive mindset and I manage to keep it most of the time. I don’t like self pity although I think it’s allowed as a person with chronic and irreversible illness. It doesn’t get you anywhere though, but if you’re not careful it could lead straight to that dark pit.
There are of course times when I’m soaking myself in my pool of self pity, it isn’t very often, but when I’m there I tend to stay until my skin is wrinkled, too long that is, and it takes a lot of unnecessary energy to change my set of mind again. So it’s not just to work on rehabilitate your body, your mind set is equally important to keep yourself on the right track to cope with the everyday struggle.
But what do you do when the balloon goes out of air and you're balancing on the edge of the dark pit of depression? My experience is that it’s important to have someone to talk to, preferably someone in your healthcare team who already has knowledge of your diagnosis or a professional psychiatrist. Don't isolate yourself completely, that's the worst you can do. But I know that’s hard when you’re dead tired, so it’s also important to get all the rest you need before you reach out for help, just don't wait too long.
I'm glad I contacted one of my medical specialists who referred me to a curator before my depression went too far. It was a difficult step filled with unnecessary shame which I think a lot of people are feeling in the same situation. But it's really nothing to be ashamed of, it's rather something to be proud of, to have that amount of strenght and self-preservation in such a vulnerable state.
Because sooner or later you reach that point when those fake smiles and that cheerful personality all collapses like a broken balloon. When you don’t have the strength to keep that stoic posture anymore, neither in front of others nor yourself. When reality becomes too real and the pain becomes far too painful.
I hate those times. I've struggled long and hard to form a positive mindset and I manage to keep it most of the time. I don’t like self pity although I think it’s allowed as a person with chronic and irreversible illness. It doesn’t get you anywhere though, but if you’re not careful it could lead straight to that dark pit.
There are of course times when I’m soaking myself in my pool of self pity, it isn’t very often, but when I’m there I tend to stay until my skin is wrinkled, too long that is, and it takes a lot of unnecessary energy to change my set of mind again. So it’s not just to work on rehabilitate your body, your mind set is equally important to keep yourself on the right track to cope with the everyday struggle.
But what do you do when the balloon goes out of air and you're balancing on the edge of the dark pit of depression? My experience is that it’s important to have someone to talk to, preferably someone in your healthcare team who already has knowledge of your diagnosis or a professional psychiatrist. Don't isolate yourself completely, that's the worst you can do. But I know that’s hard when you’re dead tired, so it’s also important to get all the rest you need before you reach out for help, just don't wait too long.
I'm glad I contacted one of my medical specialists who referred me to a curator before my depression went too far. It was a difficult step filled with unnecessary shame which I think a lot of people are feeling in the same situation. But it's really nothing to be ashamed of, it's rather something to be proud of, to have that amount of strenght and self-preservation in such a vulnerable state.
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